From A to B

Another one bites the dust.

I’ve ‘cleaned out’ a lot of ‘friends’ in the past couple of years. Friendships of opportunity and of proximity. They didn’t really work. Once you got past the proximity part and realised that without the proximity, there would be no relationship.  I really didn’t need the new tires.

An unnecessary expense.

Friendships ‘cost’.

For some, the price is too high. Personal cost.  Financial cost. Soul cost. No dotted line to sign.

Take a chance on me.

I make a good first impression. I like surprises.

I’m it.

You fell for me.

The real me? You’ll find out when you don’t play by the rules. Oh yeah, I make them. You follow them.

No contract to tear up. 

Breaking up can be very hard to do. I’ve got a feeling somebody’s watching me.

Mini online connections. Many of those haven’t worked long-term for me either. They come and go. Mostly acquaintances or cyber coffee buddies.

Too far away to ‘meet’. Did I want to meet some? Sure, out of curiosity. No, I have not kept in touch with most. Friendships come and go. A season, a reason, a cool email address. The online persona doesn’t match the ‘person’. Oh, what a tangled web we weave.

Deception a click away.

Perhaps I just have a short attention span.

Or I just don’t have a lot of time for ‘real’ friends, much like ‘online’ friends.

Jaded, really. Burned many times.

Parasites – gone. Some are quite resilient. Perhaps a mutated strain.

Friends with ‘benefits’. No, not those. The ones that stick around as long as they get something from you. They take a surprisingly nasty turn once the benefits to them stop.  The result – human toxic sludge.

The ghost thy frenemy. No, this won’t be a toxic friends primer. Lots on the Web about them. Everyone has had at least one.

I’m not sad about my loss. There was a great sense of relief that it was finally over. And that I was ‘free’.

And perhaps honesty is not the best policy. I should have lied like everyone else.

Actually, I had wanted out of that friendship for a while. Bored.

Meaningless interaction. In the grand view. Wasn’t going anywhere. Ran out of things to talk about that didn’t turn in to a grind. A friendship of convenience, maybe. Nothing really wrong. Just two people with little in common. Slightly past the sell-by date.

Probably not a friendship at all.

Opinions.  Unwanted. Judgments. Well, they were considered and I did listen. Thoughtfully. Thank you for sharing.  The sheer arrogance in the expectation that my life  and what I should do is something that you can decide for me. I’m the best judge of what is right for me. And which decisions and choices I make. I’m the one that will live with them. Not the advice-giver. Thank you for respecting my choice.  Of course that never happened. I didn’t do something on your schedule of when I should do something. When all is said and done, it is just that.  My choice. Yes, interfere and speak up loudly if I am on a very dark  and ultimately destructive path. That’s what real friends do. It is my life and not yours. You don’t get any input. You’re not scripting my life for me. No vote. My life isn’t run by committee.

What’s important to me is just that – important to ‘me’. In the end, I’m my only obligation.

Pretending stories have happy endings.

Regrets? Yes. Being honest. Sharing  stuff about me, my hopes and dreams, with someone who ultimately wasn’t deserving of sharing.  Feeling forced to ‘cave in’.  To get someone off my back. My principles. Lie to protect myself – go along but then do my own thing. And just not tell. That’s not friendship, unless it’s the new kind. String theory. Two versions of reality – may we each find it pleasant.

But I’m scrappy and don’t easily give up or give in. Some things are worth fighting for.

I’ve just stopped believing in the absolutes.


~ by hooklineandthinker on January 27, 2011.

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