Je Souhaite

Before the exploration of space, of the moon and the planets, man hailed that the heavens were the home and province of powerful gods who controlled not just the vast firmament, but the earthly fate of man himself and that the pantheon of powerful, warring deities, was the cause and reason for the human condition, for the past and the future, and for which great monuments would be created on earth as in heaven. But in time man replaced these gods with new gods and new religions that provided no more certain or greater answers than those worshipped by his Greek or Roman or Egyptian ancestors. And while we’ve chosen now our monolithic and benevolent gods and found our certainties in science, believers all, we wait for a sign, a revelation. Our eyes turn skyward ready to accept the truly incredible to find our destiny written in the stars. But how do we best look to see?

The X Files, Patient ‘X’ (5×13)

Lately, I’ve been in a Fox Mulder state of mind.

Yes, I’ve narrowed my own little personal X File down to two possibilities.  One option I was leaning toward; the other, not so much. I wasn’t familiar with the second option until around late February and denied (and still deny) its possibilty. However, it is the one that,  for me, makes the most sense and ‘fits’. I’ve kept detailed notes of my experiences, my ‘symptoms’. Right down to the strange and freakish energy wave I experienced upon first setting eyes upon my ‘subject’.  The dots started to connect.

My little ‘case’ has been on the backburner for a while.  Not wanting to really deal with it, I suppose. Puzzled by it. Hoping it would just simply go away. But, it’s become a bad penny.

Hoping that whatever I’m currently experiencing wouldn’t turn in to the sequel to what I termed ‘Round 1’. Several years ago. Something that did not deserve a sequel.  Something I took great pleasure in shredding.  A very dark time in my life. The very dark soul masked in light.

Uncannily, both ‘subjects’ are eerily similar, right down to identical initials, identical birthplace, identical birth month, identical background. There is no physical resemblance. Opposites. Coincidence and symmetry so contrived. The past is just that, but history has a funny way of repeating itself. Never again. 

The answer I have found to my query is esoteric. Not particularly or easily quantifiable. An amazingly extraordinary gift that also makes me feel like I’m currently the butt of a bizarre cosmic joke. Nothing that I’ve chosen or sought. Into each person’s life a little weirdness/mystery must fall.  It’s all about perspective, of course. Mine is currently clouded. Divine Intervention. Something much larger at work.  Seeing how the pieces are starting to fit together. I’m very lucky.

Option A does have a ‘fix’ of sorts. Kundalini has uncoiled from a long slumber, the lotus flower has pushed its way out of the mud. Perhaps I do need to meditate more. Perhaps the chakras need a little upkeep.  Option B has no ‘fix’ for me, other than to stay on the wacky rollercoaster I seem to be riding and see where all this ultimately goes.  The truth remains…. still out there.  Dio Ti Ama. Amor Fati.

I continue to chase starlight.


~ by hooklineandthinker on May 9, 2011.

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